I used to think I wanted to run a yoga studio overlooking the bright lights of NYC. Spacious. Bare wood floors. Chrome and white accents. I managed a few of those. They made a lot of money on new students and teacher trainings. But there wasn’t a lot of long term yogis. The sense of community I’ve felt in other, less glamorous places was missing. I preferred practicing in my own home and not in those spaces filled with 70+ bodies.
Now I dream of something like this. Small, that has a feeling of warmth. I’ve been doing a lot of reading, a lot of planning and writing. I meditate in the cold mornings. I sing chants when I’m alone and try to improve my singing. That amounts to a lot of nothing ultimately. I’ve made improvements physically that needed to be made. Not needed to fit into whatever social mold has been created for yoga instructors but needed for me to feel I’m in the right place. I’m a work in progress. :)
So now comes the doing. I have obstacles but who doesn’t? I have a good full time job that I am actually very lucky to have and leaving it at some point might be a serious mistake. I fret about that a lot. But I have to look at it for what it really is now - an obstacle.
When I did my yoga teacher training it was both the best experience of my life and the worst. I was always exhausted and I was stressed the fuck out jugging work and school. I was a zombie to the people closest to me, constantly reciting my sequencing, tonguing new sanskrit words, and I was in a new relationship. But I did get through it and came out a competent teacher.
I don’t do New Years resolutions. But I do, once committed to doing something for myself, follow through if I love it. I was asked yesterday where I see myself in 5 years. “Running my own studio, but I’m not sure where exactly, and in the next year I need to find a studio I love again” I’m still figuring out the how.